your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just invented taco cereal.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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