She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
That's how pantless uber rides happen
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
