I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
