Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
