you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
