i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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