I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
