just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
