Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
