Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
