Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
