I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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