Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
