So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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