I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
