We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
