Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
