we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
