No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
