The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
