we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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