i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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