i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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