I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
