Are we in a gay sports bar?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
