she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
