I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
