So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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