Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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