The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
