Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
They have beer where we have blood.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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