How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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