We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
