Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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