I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
