I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
