I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
