you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
