The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
