just come out here and I will go home with you...
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
