I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
