Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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