The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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