God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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