She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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