I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
