In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
