i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
