I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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