There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
