he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Michael Bay diarrhea
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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