u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
MIDGETS
????
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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