Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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