I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
