mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
